buddie19, Calgary AB
It’s taken years, and years of practice to change my thinking. It was a perpetual, harsh climate inside my head where I could rarely do anything right. It went well beyond being a perfectionist. It was aggressive, hurtful internal behaviour that never gave myself a brake, kept reminding me of how bad a person I was. To the extent that I started to verbalize it others. I believed it. I believed I was a bad person and always and only did wrong things that hurt people, even though I had a successful career. It came so natural that I’d get mad at someone driving in traffic and it would quickly lead to me berating myself and reminding myself of all the other times I was a horrible person. Not a great way to start your day. It became easier and easier and easier as time went on. Going to that place would happen in seconds. Over 20, 30 years I taught myself to go to a place of self destruction in seconds.