I have fought anxiety and depression most of my adult life, you might say it’s perpetual. I have great friends and family. I wouldn’t blame any of them for my behavior or problems. I had a really good childhood, my parents took care of us, gave us what we needed and wanted. My best memories are of my dad coaching me in sports and spending summers at the lake.
My parents divorce certainly affected me and my mental health journey started then. I became co-dependent, my value was only achieved by what I did for others, in fact, I probably still have those tendencies.
In 2003 everything hit rock bottom. Two failed relationships with two kids from two separate women before I was 30. I could barely get out of bed, I was consumed with my latest ex and trying to win her back. I had to do something to fix it.
One night a buddy of mine asked me out for a beer to cheer me up. I walked into the establishment we were meeting at and there was my ex-girlfriend sitting at a table. She was visibly nervous and almost immediately her date came back to the table. I played nice, introduced myself and walked away. I bailed on my friend who was calling me over and over again to see if I was OK. This was my rock bottom.
I was not Ok, in the early morning hours I sat in my car in the garage, called my ex and left a message telling her I was sorry and that I loved my kids. I sat there, with the engine running, until I was found.
My ex had called my parents worried, they rushed to my house and found me. My step-father pushed the car from the garage into the alley and pulled me from the vehicle.
This was only one suicide attempt but leading up to this I had many moments of breaking down. The signs were there and my ex was right to leave to protect our daughter. I was not OK.
I got very lucky, not only with surviving but also with a lifeline to therapy most would not get. Back then getting help for mental health was nearly impossible, and I feel that it still is. I had a long road to recovering from my mistakes. I was fortunate to be here, I was fortunate to have a family that cared and rushed to my side. I started a slow and laborious journey. One that I am still on. I fear for my kids on a regular basis that they will become what I am. I constantly worry about them, I was there once, I know how easy it is to give up.
I am still not OK, but I have a loving wife that helped save my life. I have three wonderful girls, lots of great friends who support me but I still work on my mental health regularly.
This is what I want from this site, for people to hear the stories of people they might think are OK, and realize that there are many others in their position.
Every interaction fosters healing and connection, reminding you that you’re never alone. Together, we build a community that cares.